Date: Thursday 7 July 2016
Current weight: 161 lbs (Still no loss!)
In my last blog post I talked about accentuating the positives. In this blog it is hard to see any positives because I have not lost any weight or inches since the last blog and on top of that I am developing cellulite for the first time in my life.
Regarding the plateau I have been reading different write-ups about breaking plateaus. I have been tempted to drop my carbohydrates to as slow a level as possible, but I know from past bitter experience (including a trip to A&E) that this can seriously impair my ability to exercise and give me dangerously low blood pressure. I also know that that my habit of embarking on low carbohydrate diets or seriously low calorie diets for quick weight loss might have damaged my metabolism in turn making it very difficult for me to maintain a stable weight. The temptation has been really strong to go back to these old habits because I have never had to work and fight so hard ever to lose weight.
Fortunately for me, I think the part of me that is capable of emotional eating is under control so I am still not craving anything particularly unhealthy. What I have done instead is set up a food diary so I can track exactly what I am eating on day to day basis and see whether I am exercising enough. It’s a pain to do but the general consensus from what I am reading is that this is a step in the right direction. I am also trying to distract myself with non-calorific treats such as manicures and pedicures.
The other thing I think I need to be honest with myself about is my motivations for exercise. Somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind, I continue to harbour ambitions to run races. I don’t necessarily want to run the London marathon anymore. For one thing the London marathon is too difficult to get into unless one is backed by a charity. I am happy to give money to charity from my own pocket but feel uneasy hitting other ordinary folk like myself for cash. Life is hard enough. I would however like to join a local running club as I think that would be good fun. As I have nightmares about being left behind I want to be able to run at 6 mph comfortably and 7 mph for a brisker pace. At the moment my comfortable speed after a 30 minute slow jog warm up when I crank up my pace gradually is 5 mph.
I would like to work with a personal trainer but I am anxious about adding another layer of complexity to my already busy life. I have worked with a trainer before and when my body hit a plateau it got the point where I found it difficult to sleep the nights before we met up. I think my trainer assumed that I was always cheating on my diet. I was not. My body just likes to hold on to fat for some annoying reason; just like it is doing now. I am scared of going through that experience again. Working with a trainer is probably exactly what I need to break through my plateau and maintain steady weight loss until I reach my goal but it is scary step for me to take at this point in my life.
The other issue that I need to give an airing to is my propensity to want to do long relaxing runs all the time either outside or on the treadmill provided I have good music to listen too. As the runs get longer and faster it means my training is becoming more one dimensional. I have never really enjoyed doing weights and speed drills very much even though that is probably exactly what I need to get fitter, break my plateau and become a medium paced runner. I am always motivated to go the gym to train to get better at running but other types of workouts have the opposite effect on me. They are frankly demotivating.
Anyway back to cellulite: when I started exercising my body toned up and this was consolation for me even when the scales did not move at all or as quickly as I wanted in the right direction. At the moment, it feels as though the harder I work the flabbier I get in the stomach and thigh area. Naturally, I have consulted the great oracle known as the internet and the prognosis so far is completely depressing. 90 percent of women and some men get cellulite so accept it and deal with it, genes, my age, me getting my comeuppance after years of being a yoyo dieter and so on. I have heard that some people experience this sagging just before they lose lots of weight and begin firming up. I am hoping that I will fall into that category. I feel that I have always been good at accepting my lot in terms of my body flaws. Let’s face it being large in the tummy area is a real pain for any woman and I feel I have always dealt with this with a stiff upper lip. To then be saddled with cellulite as well at this point in my life just feels a little bit harsh and unfair.
Many years ago, I got on my bicycle and decided to go for a bike ride as opposed to my usual commute. I wanted to do at least 50 miles cycling out of London and then back and enjoy the sights and fresh air. I failed to make plans for my nutrition and hit the wall in the middle of nowhere. It was too far away from home to ride back but nowhere near to my final destination. I managed to buy some bananas and fuel up but the journey home was tough and I spent the rest of the weekend recovering. I have never done it again and all my bike rides went back to being strictly to commute.
At the moment I feel a bit like I did on that bike ride and in the middle of nowhere. To turn back now is out of the question but I feel a bit lost and have no idea when or if I will finish this journey. I hate to be negative but success feels really out of my reach at this point.