Women are supposed to all want large breasts and Kim Kardashian West type bums. I can see the value of perky breasts but by and large, I personally have been so focused my whole life on trying to achieve a flat stomach. As for my overall figure, I think I just wanted a body that I could dress easily in terms of enjoying fashion. If I had to be pushed, I would choose an athletic figure. I knew from a young age that my belly was a potential problem area and once I reached teenage my waist size was about an inch larger than my elder sister’s. I never spent time worrying about my 26-inch waistline and instead, I would take out the waistbands of skirts and dresses and conceal any perceived body flaws with careful styling. I just focussed on the things I was happy with and moved on with my life. I have the same attitude in other aspects of my life so if I have a break-out of spots and pimples, I just get better at doing my make-up including taking it off afterwards so my skin is not aggravated further. I guess I have always sidestepped any issues and got on with my life as much as possible. However, on reflection, I think that I have probably taken this stance a bit too far.
By and large, I have taken that same approach with exercise and fitness. I love going to the gym and exercising but I just focus on the things I can do reasonably okay. That used to mean slow running and these days slow jogging. This habit has left my body weirdly unbalanced. For instance, I can do jumping jacks and I run reasonably well provided a sprint is not required. However, I am terrible at doing squats, burpees, walkouts and most abdominal exercises – or perhaps I should make that ALL abdominal exercises! I am fighting a lifelong bad habit of avoiding the things I don’t like to do or, more to the point, cannot do well. Worryingly, it has been pointed out to me that my derriere might have flattened and is now beginning to disappear. My friend was surprised to learn that I don’t tackle the areas that I am weak in when I exercise. As you can imagine the prospect of my disappearing behind has not exactly been welcome news. I never had much, to begin with, compared to some black women and while I am not going to begin doing any research about surgical augmentation, I don’t want the little I have to disappear. At my last training session, DC asked me to do some squats and I could not do them unassisted. A bit embarrassing.
I am trying hard to follow the current advice and move to HIIT style training. Avoid long slow running and spending too long in the gym or doing workouts. Having spent my entire life working within my comfort zone my body, which is also dealing with menopause, does not respond to my old style of training and yet this new style of training feels very alien and uncomfortable. I guess the new normal is going to entail feeling embarrassed and inadequate all the time. At my first training session with DC, I could hear my thighs flapping as I tried to do the drills. My two muffin tops were also flapping away as I tried to run fast. My body is in shock.
It’s been a funny old year. I started the year with lots of optimism and enthusiasm and my trip to Saipan remains one of the highlights. However, I have been worried about a routine health check I had in March. The long and short of it was that I had to have a minor operation this week and although a sample of my womb was taken for a biopsy (another routine one! Sigh!). I am going to remain a bit on edge until the results return saying I am all clear. I did a post on Instagram dated 15 August 2018 in which I talked about the importance of keeping going during tough times and treating adversity as an opportunity for growth. The post was inspired by conversations with my brothers and my chat with DC at my first training session. It is easier said than done though and there have been times when I’ve just wanted to drop the baton.
As menopause has played such a big role in my journey, I have been writing about that too. You will see from the new category of menologues that I have had two ladies tell their menopause stories. This means that some of my blogs this year are yet to be published. I plan to post them in due course so please stay tuned. If you are following me on social media you will see that I use 5 – 6 hashtags. I would love it if you use them too.
What a difference 9 months can make. I started the year weighing 149, only 3 lbs away from BMI25. I decided I could not continue with the metabolic weight loss programme and lost motivation at the gym and as a result, I now weigh 161 lbs again. Yes, I am finally weighing myself regularly again as well as keeping a food diary. I have talked about reaching my final weight loss goal by Christmas this year. That would mean a loss of 31 lbs by the end of the year. I hate to be negative but it feels insurmountable at the moment.
Until next time it’s