In my last blog post dated 29 September 2018, I talked about being in a state of analysis paralysis. There is nothing I hate more than not knowing all the reasons I feel unhappy at a given time because it means that I have no way to fix whatever the problem is so I am relieved that things feel a lot of clearer this week.
I planned to go to the gym last weekend but only managed to go on Sunday. My sleeping patterns have been weird, to say the least, of recent and I did not want to face Monday morning feeling even more tired and sleep deprived than usual so I skipped my planned gym visit on Saturday. I have been experimenting with letting my body wake up naturally. This has been hit and miss – see my Instagram post of 3 October 2018 by clicking the following link to see what I mean. https://www.instagram.com/p/BodaDFblD0I/?taken-by=theyoyochronicles
My visit to the gym on Sunday was the tonic I needed however and set me up nicely for the week. It is now clear to me that part of the reason for my feeling so out of sorts of recent is my lack of progress towards hitting my goal weight combined with the fact that without my regular gym attendance, I am deprived of natures own anti-depressants; namely endorphins. But that is not all; 2018 has been an exhausting year in terms of making new contacts for one thing.
Early in my teenage years, my father used to find my enthusiasm about meeting new people and making friends extremely amusing. I would return home with tales about the exciting new people that I had made friends with. From time to time, the excitement would give way to disappointment and even tears. On those occasions, he would warn me about the importance of taking time to get to know new friends. His general advice to me was to take it slow. In spite of my efforts over the years, I still experience disappointment when meeting people from time to time but 2018 has been spectacularly so.
There was the lady I met in one of my blogger groups who said she wanted to collaborate with me but it transpired was only interested in signing me up to the Arbonne pyramidal scheme which she euphemistically referred to as a “business opportunity” Another person I met tried to rip off my own ideas and sell them back to me and others offered friendship on the face of it when all they wanted ultimately was to sell me products or services some of which were dodgy, all which were unwanted. In one instance, I was myself under suspicion of being a potential dodgy Nigerian 419-er ironically partly because I made some remarks about the attempted Arbonne scamming! I accept that my remarks were a tad throw away but to have a person you admire and look up to suspect you of being fraudulent or supporting fraud is not the most pleasant place to be.
Nigeria is unfortunately infamous for fraud internationally. In Nigeria, it is a crime to obtain property and so on by false pretences under s.419 of the Nigerian Criminal Code. Apologies to any Nigerians reading this if I have not got the contents of the section down to the letter. Hopefully, you can still understand where I am going. Nigerians and Nigeria have this reputation for fraud but when you look at fraud globally, Nigerian fraudsters are not influencing US or UK elections or crashing the NHS computer systems in the UK and so on and so forth. There is no doubt that Nigeria has a problem with corruption, generally but Nigerian fraud compared globally is small potatoes. Nigerian fraudsters are small players and while this is no excuse, to potentially tarnish all Nigerians with such a broad brush definition is unfair.
My father had such a hard time studying in Germany and then the UK that once he found employment in Nigeria as an academic, he never wanted to return to the UK. Even after the catastrophic economic crash at the end of the oil boom in Nigeria, my father still could not face returning to live in the UK even though he reluctantly agreed to his children returning. If the Nigerian economy did not crash so spectacularly, there would have been no need for the likes of me to pull up my roots and return to the UK. I am British born as you know but to all intents and purposes, I feel like I returned to the UK as an economic refugee to start from the bottom. I do not feel that anything should have been handed to me on a plate but I resent having to defend myself and my reputation constantly just because I am of Nigerian descent. It is hard enough having to deal with racism as a black woman; this extra annoyance I am sure people of Nigerian descent myself included could do without.
I feel in a better mood having worked out some of the niggles and, going forward, I don’t want to change my personality. The potential loss of friendships is sad but I want to keep on looking forward to making new ones with new people and in so doing keep improving my mechanisms for protecting my heart from disappointment.
In other more positively AWESOME news, I have had the all clear from my consultant following my biopsy. Phew! I will be celebrating as I never take an all clear result for granted. As it happens, Nigeria celebrated 58 years of independence on 1 October 2018 and I celebrated with an Instagram post which you can view by clicking the following link https://www.instagram.com/p/BoYTSuslndc/?taken-by=theyoyochronicles
With all the drama going on, mainly in my head, I have still not been in the mood to cook and I have instead been making trips to good old M&S this week. The choices have been healthy and I am pleased to report that I have lost 2 lbs and now weigh 159 lbs. This is the first weight loss that I have experienced in yonks and it feels as though my body has performed a magic trick. Talk about ending the week on a high! I am off to dance. If you feel like joining me, please put on your dancing shoes and click on the following link
Until next time it’s